What is your destiny? It is what you’re experiencing now, which you created yesterday and moments ago. It is what you, and others, will remember when you look back over your life years from now. It’s what they mean when they say, “That’s how he lived his life. That’s who he was”.

It’s your career, not your job. It’s how you loved, not who loved you. It’s what you did and gave, not what you earned or bought. It’s how much happiness you created, not how happy you were. It’s the truth you told, not the lies other’s told about you. It’s how accepted people felt in your home, not where you lived, or how big the house was.

If you really don’t like the destiny you’re creating for yourself, can you change it? Yes, either by becoming enlightened, or if, when the status quo finally becomes intolerable, you discover the courage to let go of it.

I don’t believe that people can change unless they’re forced to by intolerable pain. This doesn’t necessarily mean constant agony – perhaps, for you, the disappointment of not making more of your life has become intolerable, and this pain may be enough of a catalyst to help you change. Or maybe the loneliness has become so painful that it gives you the strength to overcome your fear of connection.

I think personality is hard-wired by the time you’re an adult, and from an evolutionary perspective, there’s been strong selection against the ability to self-rewire. Evolution works with versatility, but not insanity. Trying to change your personality is fairly insane – it got you this far, so it’s working. You don’t try to change what’s working in evolution.

But evolution apparently left the door open for change, if it’s unavoidable. If the pain caused by thoughts and behaviours becomes too much, you will change.

I also think that if you’re searching for meaning, you’ll find it. You’ll create the situations and circumstances in your life that give you the chance to find meaning. If you’re really stubborn, like most people, you may create situations that force you to look for meaning.

If you’re so impatient to change that you unconsciously create a really huge crisis in your life, you can use this as a turning point. This is very risky, because a crisis is painful and can seriously impact your life and other people. There’s the risk that things will go horribly wrong. So, rather be patient.

But I’ve found that things happen, if you’re open to change. A crisis, assuming you survive it, can shock you out of your mind, and give you an unparalleled opportunity to change your attitude and life.

Can you become enlightened without suffering? Can you become enlightened, or as Osho puts it, intelligent, just by choosing to, and thinking about it? I don’t know. Anything’s possible, but I doubt it.

So keep your wits about you at all times, as they say. Stay conscious, aware, and expect things to go well. Live by your values, because that’s what you’ll be remembered for, whatever else happens. If you do that, you’re already a hero, right now.

All the pain in the world is just the wrapping around the gifts, the love and happiness, that we crave. You’ll be happy now, if you stop fearing the pain, and clutching the gifts.

What good can one do on a Saturday afternoon, sitting writing at the laptop? The better question is, what good I can do, period. Which leads me to ask, what good should I do, and what do I want to do?

I’m an instructional writer. That’s my career, not just my job. My job is just a whisper of what I can be. But I think with a bit of work and patience it’ll develop into a passion and vocation. First, I’m a writer. I’ve always been one. Strange thing is, I had no idea this could by my vocation, that I could make a life out of it.

Part of my job is to develop scenarios to illustrate the points I’m teaching. I’ve realised it’s good practice for ‘real’ writing, for writing fiction, or anything for that matter. It’s the most creative part of the job, and so I thought, why not spend some time looking at it more closely?

Why not write a little scenario to motivate myself to get on with it. This is just the beginning.

Here goes:

Suppose you’ve just been elected genius of all time, for your brilliant contributions to humanity and the world. The guys at Nobel have created a new prize specially for you – the old one smacked too much of mediocrity.

Now imagine that you’ve volunteered for a project. The project is to take you, clear your memory and self-concept, and see if your innate genius can make it all happen again. The researchers will never reveal themselves to you, and you’ll have no recollection of a past before the “moment of birth”, as they like to call it.

No-one, not even you, knows if it’s possible. But, more than any of your achievements, you feel it’s an experiment that will benefit all humanity.

So one day you step into a chamber at the research facility, rather like a cocoon, and lay down on the bed. Half an hour later, they remove you, and lay you on your mother’s breast.

For many years now they’ve been observing you.

The results have been mixed. You’ve shown flashes of brilliance and bursts of creativity, but nothing much to indicate that there’s anything left of the creative powers you once showed.

Actually your behaviour has caused some concern. Why, for example, have you spent so much time mulling over the meaning of life? Why have you wandered lost for so long, in fields of sadness and apathy? Why have you put so much energy into doubting yourself? They’ve started wondering if the whole thing really was such a good idea after all.

Now, suppose today you get a postcard from the post-office, instructing you to collect a telegraph. It seems strange since no-one’s used them in years, but you go and collect it anyway.

At the post-office the clerk looks at the notice you hand her, and back at you. “I don’t think anyone here sent this to you. We don’t use these anymore – must be a mistake. Anyway the date’s recent so I’ll go and have a look.” She goes to the back. Five minutes later, she returns with a confused look.

“This was hidden down the back of the telegraph drawer, and I had a time trying to get it out,” she says. Turning the small square of paper over she says, “Odd, It’s not a format we use anymore. Wait, even the date’s wrong – that decades ago.” She hands it to you and you unfold it, and read the message typed on the dry yellowed paper.

You leave the post-office mulling it over. The message seems pretty random, just one word. Maybe it’s just some weird mix-up.

But somehow it also makes sense, as if it’s a reminder or hint, some kind of clue. Maybe the universe is sending you a message. Whatever, you start feeling uplifted, like maybe there’s more to life. You’re not sure what it is, but it’s like you realise deep down that there’s a growing plant inside you, and you need to give it far more air and light. You need to tend it.

It’s as if you’ve been given a little inspiration, a breath to get you going. So, breathe.

Making a positive difference in your own life, or in South Africa, or anywhere for that matter, begins with an attitude of self-creativity.

Self-creativity is about walking away from self-destructive thought and behaviour. It’s about turning your mind upside down, so the negativity can fall out, and filling it with creative thought.

However big a personal or group problem is, it can only be solved if you, or every participant, accepts the responsibility to be self-creative. If you’re self-creative, you’re able to do all the things that self-destructive thought stops you doing. You’re able to think clearly, to understand, to be curious, enthusiastic, and you’re able to start loving from a healthy place.

Participate in this poem – Post your addition / change / version as a comment – I look forward to the results…

Rain dripping beyond the window,
Steady downpour -
You capture child-like essence in your freshness.

Inventing stars, creating light and shadows,
Coffee and cigars,
Warmth surrounds me.

I realised today that its better to be unsettled than stuck. Its certainly easier being settled, thinking you’re safe and secure, feeling satisfied. But what are you settling for? Is it good for you? Is it worth all the effort involved? Or are you settling for less than you should?

Do you even realise what you’re settling for anymore, or have you stopped thinking about it because that’s easier to do?

Step out, jump off the cliff into the unknown. If you’re not ready to do that, just put it out there that you’re looking for change. Tell the universe that you’re expecting changes. Take the attitude that your life is constantly improving.

You may then actually see it start to improve. Start enjoying life. Be kind, be loving, be daring, be excited about life. It doesn’t matter what your problems are – we all have problems – just accept that they’re there, do what you need to do to deal with them, and then be who you want to be.

Change is easier said than done. But if you think about it, you’ll see that change is possible – it happens one moment at a time, without fanfare. There are many cliches about it, and many wise people have said this, but that doesn’t mean it is less true: who you are on the inside always reflects in the situation of your life.

Its been said before as well that life takes a while to catch up, when we’re trying to change ourselves – our situations don’t miraculously change instantly simply because we decide to be positive, kind, loving, aware and thoughtful. But keep it up, keep reminding yourself that these define who you really are, and slowly your life will start to slip into gear. Things will begin to go right in small ways.

Remind yourself that you’ve been blessed in everything, and be grateful for everything that happens to you. It is the only way to transform a difficult, painful or problem-filled life into one of light, energy and love.

The most intelligent and powerful act you can make right now is to decide to be kind, happy, grateful and to regard yourself as blessed.

You can be the light, lightness and life of God, if you choose to be. You can focus your attention on the good things in your life. You can be a source of lightness and joy to all around you, and hold the world in your heart. You can make a difference.

Your situation may not be perfect, but you are perfect and your being is one with all being, with God. You can know your being, and accept your life situation as a work in progress. Be light, be awareness, be laughter and you will generate more of these in your life because you’re living as a conduit for divine being. You are not the thoughts running through your mind. You are not the depression or the darkness you may feel. Your mind is a tool, but it is not who you are. You are not your personality – that is the reflection of your mind, or your past. You are far more than that, you are eternal and perfect. Stop identifying yourself as your mind and your ego.

Start now. Love your life. Love all life. You have the power to change your life now. Accept that power and start using it.

(These ideas are found in most spiritual writings, and I rediscovered them recently through reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I recommend this strongly to everyone.)

I dreamt my passions
Life flowed into one
A well-spring of love, desire

Power of the engine
Roar of combustion
Rushing thrill of ignition

It’s all there, waiting for you
Ripples, waves, waterfalls of thought
The power of your mind

Colourful life, spices, potent herbs, rich paints,
Silence of the jackal,
Elegance of the dolphin

Mathematical beauty, rates of change, infinity,
Delicate differentials,
Integrals of your soul

Tender skin, loving embrace,
You kiss her cheek,
Hold her in your arms

Friends, remembrances, teachers, loves
Crowding your dreams, reminding
You of what can be

New places discovered,
Life’s facets expressed,
Torrents of life unearthed

Floods of enthusiasm, flowering
Growing, rooting, sprouting
Your senses overwhelmed

Take me, carry me on your currents
Adsorb me irresistibly,
Revealed in your wilderness

Where I walk with you,
Dance, sing, create with you,
Nurtured, encased, vulnerable

The expanse of your being
Dust of delight,
Delicious smiles and gestures

Your scent perfumes my mind,
Living velvet silkily sliding,
Smoothing torn scars

Without ending, imagining
Compelled to release
Your love from inside me

Without hesitation power flows
Words surge, open spaces
Flower, landscapes appear

You are my waking dream,
Dreamt reality,
Sublime expression of my being

You never cease to amaze,
Though attention must shift,
Life calls,

But you are life -
Inspiration, scintillation,
Vibration, harmony -

To enrich and enliven
You fill, overflow,
Cascading into each moment
My waking dream,
Untold wonders of reality.

I want to know. To recover my curiosity, recover my enthusiasm for life, my obsession with knowledge, with facts, truth, philosophy, nature, science.

I want to learn, to think, talk, question. I want to collect old LPs. I want to love with passion. To ride a motorbike. To share my life with a lover.

I want a child-like spirit of enthusiasm and energy in my life.

*

I know the secret – there is no secret. The revelation is here, now. There is no hidden truth save that which you hide from, which you yourself make obscure.

*

Old paths well trodden,
Familiar sights, sounds,
Tired, lazy, comfortable old places;
Old songs; reruns; memories,
Memoirs.
Yesterday once more.

American Dream, freedom,
Wealth, Prosperity, Happiness
Yes its possible, but
Not by following the mass ideals.

Look inside, look outside,
Look around, look, look, look.

Awareness, looking, seeing,
Listening, sensing all the newness.
All the possibilities, infinite opportunities.

How much can you learn?
How much can you love?
How many new paths can you imagine,
Can you tread?

There is no limit besides death.
So live now,
Dance, sing, love, learn.
Open your heart, listen to everything.
Be open, be an open book.

Write whatever you want on the blank pages,
Feel the weather, Leave the dust behind.
Fly into the sun,
Fling yourself with abandon into the ecstasy.

Swim beneath the waves,
Climb the peaks,
Explore the valleys,
Live with passion,
Live with fire.

Love with desire,
Write with your soul,
Walk without fear.

Life has much shit -
Crap, excrement, problems, tragedy, pain –
Life is full of idiots;

Yes, I can be an idiot and so can you.
I have shit too. We all have it in our lives.
There is pain, suffering.

There is death, evil, malice, rage,
Cruelty, war, terror, corruption,
Murder, lying, inhumanity, now and forever.

None of that is reduced in the least by being miserable,
Your life is not improved one iota by feeling down about the shit.
Cynicism, bitterness, depression, apathy are pointless,
Destructive to the carrier.

They are nuclear weapons which kill all life around them,
Including eventually the bearer, you.
The energy of death and destruction is fed by
Misery, depression, apathy and resignation.

No amount of suffering, misery, apathy or resignation
Will ever improve your life.

Those old pathways are there, well worn in many of us.
They are comforting, familiar, safe.
They are limiting;
They lead to self-sabotage,
To a life of struggle, of more suffering
More resignation.

They lead to the absence of desire,
The emptiness that feeds your emptiness,
The black place where you feel trapped and safe,
Frustrated and hopeless.

But you can abandon old paths.
Seeing the mountain stream through a gap in the undergrowth,
You can rush to it, dive in,
Swim, be free in the flowing energy of the earth.
The cold fresh purity can clean your heart,
Only if you take the risk and dive in.

You’re creating new paths, new paths
To lightness, to find happiness amongst the opportunities;
You can make new paths wherever you want.
There is no limit except your desire.
Look for paths of light, growth, exploration
Look for paths of love, courage, curiosity,
Discovery.

Tread these new paths,
Find new ones every day; run along them,
Feel the thrill;

Forget the old paths;
They will never disappear, but like mountain tracks,
They will be reclaimed by nature.
You are part of nature,
A living being, a creature of the earth.
Let the earth reclaim its paths,
Let it heal your suffering,

All you need to do is follow the new paths you find,
Explore with all your might.
Let the earth feed your power.
Let the water refresh you.
Let people touch you,
Opening your heart to them.

Let the old paths become lost in the past,
Let your old habits of self-destruction become
Lost in new growth.

New life can open up to you if you look for it,
Keep asking questions, keep looking
For new paths.

Look for new love, new energy,
New passion, new learning;

Abandon the old grip of destructive self-sabotage;
Allow it to weaken and fade, to die from
Neglect, disuse.

Feed the growing passion which flows through you,
Through the earth and the universe, if you let it.

Feed the enthusiasm, Let it take you
Where your heart wants to go;
If it feels right it is right.

Explode into life with the unimaginable
Possibilities inside and all around you.

Caring for the damaged child
Hidden deep inside their mind,
You shine your light –

Take them by their little hand,
Lead them into the world,
To help them find their feet,
A way to stand –

Teach them to run and dance,
And sing and play, to learn and share –

You who delves beyond the silence,
Along dark, buried trails,
You who finds and heals the broken mind –

May the healer heal you
When you find yourself broken,
May you be led to sanctuary,
And held tight,
When life makes you shy
Away from the light.